I thought I'd seen it all. From a deaf djinni to Santa Claus... But, no. My life as an assassin had yet to delve into other mysteries. Mysteries that put me in odd places later, but began fairly innocently.

And it started with a dog.

A woman down the hall from my apartment had the audacity (according to several neighbors) to own a pitbull. Lady was the sweetest dog. He was a caramel latte color and had huge dark eyes that always made think of him as a puppy, even though he was fairly old for a dog. (I never did find out the story behind his unfortunate name, but he told me that by the time he realized what was happening, it was much too late. He much preferred the name, 'Killer', as he felt it was much more fitting for a pitbull.)

One day as I arrived home after some rehab (the mishap up at the North Pole had left my ankles a little weak), Lady/Killer was sitting alone outside my door, gazing up with his perfect puppy eyes. I said hello and was rewarded with a sharp bark and the wagging of his tail. I wondered, aloud, where his person was and he growled a little. He sat between me and the door to my apartment.

I asked politely for him to kindly step out of my way (I had learned the value of being polite to animals after the adventure with the reindeer). He looked back at me and politely told me no.

As much as I'd mingled with animals before, I can't say that one has ever spoken to me so the low, deep voice of Lady/Killer took me by surprise and I dropped my keys and my purse. I stared at him and shook my head. I bent down to get my keys but he snatched them away in his mouth and shook his head. The keys jingled wildly.

He mumbled something that sounded very much like part of the Klingon mating ritual and I said as much. Lady/Killer dropped the keys and told me that I had to follow him. It was of the utmost importance.

What else could I do? A pitbull had slobbered on my keys and was refusing to move away from my front door. Somehow, being a fairly sensible person, I figured it wasn't wise to argue with a pitbull. They have larger teeth than I do.

I followed him down the corridor and around the bend to another apartment. I heard yowling from the other side of the door and something scratching. Lady/Killer told me that it was a cat, Cecilia, who was trapped inside with nothing to eat. Her person hadn't returned home in at least three days.

This was unacceptable, of course. I bent down to look at the lock. Easy enough.

I reached into the lining of my bra and pulled out the long, thin wire I had hidden in the underwire of my Vicky's Secret special. Many people would believe that such a thin wire would never pick a lock, but I find that it's much easier. My wire happened to be quite strong and wouldn't bend unless I molded it on purpose.

In a matter of moments, I had picked the simple lock and opened the door.

Inside, it was neat and tidy. White, silver and red. For some reason, it put me in mind of a vampire's apartment, though I was certain there was no such thing (Okay, so I knew there were vampires, but I tried to forget that I knew. I mean, really, people who drank other peoples' blood? Ew.)

The poor cat rubbed my legs like there was no tomorrow. Then she thanked me for coming to help her. She also thanked Lady/Killer profusely. She explained that she had seen the pitbull in the past and knew how to get in contact with him (something about the toilet, but I'm still not very clear on that detail). Then it was only a matter of him giving his person the slip and waiting for me.

Cecilia showed me where her food was sitting up on a high shelf. She explained that her person usually left enough food if he was going to be gone a long time. I thought it odd that he would leave an animal alone for so long, but I didn't say anything because it seemed as though they had things well under control at that point. I dished food out for Cecilia and she asked me to leave her food where she could reach it.

Lady/Killer said he needed to get back or his person would start calling the police and putting up a bunch of silly signs.

I actually wanted to look around the apartment a little. I couldn't help wandering around in the kitchen. Stainless steel appliances complemented the white cupboards. There was a red teapot on the stove. I opened cupboards and looked in the refrigerator. There was only a box of baking soda sitting on the bottom shelf. I opened the freezer and yelped. It was stuffed full of steaks and a miniature snowman stared out at me from in front of the meat. I closed the freezer door quickly.

Definitely weird.

But my job was done. The cat had food. She was content. She thanked me again and said she'd be sure to tell her person all about me when he returned. I couldn't be rude and demand that she keep quiet about me because I thought her person must be some kind of freak. So I just nodded and said that was great. Lady/Killer and I showed ourselves out and I unpicked the lock (this is possible for those of us extra-skilled in spy techniques).

The dog and I walked back to my apartment and he apologized for slobbering on my keys. I said that it was okay but please not to do it again. I think he laughed in a barky kind of way then said goodbye.

I went inside and shook my head. Some people finish mini-adventures like that and wonder if it was all just a dream. I didn't bother wondering something so silly. With everything else, it just fell in line. But as I opened my own freezer to take out a mac and cheese microwave dinner, I knew that it was one of the best adventures, mini or otherwise, that I'd ever had.