Fun with TrainsThis is a featured page




I didn't mean to cause a train wreck. But sometimes, these things just happen, I suppose, when you're in my line of business.

My vacation started easily enough. I had a great time in Wyoming. I just sat around and marvelled at the lack of people and the overabundance of mountain lions. Wyoming has a population of about three, you know, so it's a perfect place to get away from everyone and everything. If someone is looking for you, you generally know it before they see you so you've got a better chance of hiding. It's wonderful.

So I got out of there feeling very relaxed, which is exactly what I needed after the last few jobs I'd taken, not to mention the ruckus with that guy I'd stupidly developed a crush on (assassin/spies should never become involved with anyone, especially a mark). After a couple of weeks in the wilderness (with the comforts of a claw-foot bathtub, old copies of Billboard magazine and re-runs of 'What Not to Wear'), I felt refreshed and completely over the stress of unrequited love.

I decided to head back home on a train, which would slowly bring me back to reality instead of flying myself back into it quickly on an airplane.

I sat looking out the window and listening to some Damien Rice when a reflection caught my eye. Someone was staring at me, pretending not to stare at me.

I hate it when people do that.

I glanced over and came face to face with my (former) mark-turned-crush.

I asked what he was doing there.

He said he'd been following me. He had a job for me. It had to do with someone on that train and it needed to be taken care of as soon as possible so he could get on his way and pretend he'd never met me.

Just what a girl wants to hear from a (former) mark-turned-crush.

I patiently explained that I was still on vacation and I wasn't about to take a job no matter who did the asking. It was 'me' time.

He had the nerve to roll his eyes at me. I wanted to punch him, but I didn't do it. I figured they didn't like violence on the train.

I told him off in the most polite way I could and he changed his tactics, knowing that he could appeal to the part of me that still had a thing for him (even though it was buried waaaay deep). It took some convincing, but I eventually agreed to snatch his cellphone back from the guy who stole it.

The cellphone that I'd been hired to steal in the first place and couldn't because I’d developed a thing for the guy who had the cellphone.

Suddenly, I had the bright idea that I'd just finish the job I'd started and get at least half of what my employer had offered. My (former) mark-turned-crush would never suspect.

I smiled politely and nodded, making affirmative noises as he explained to me who had the phone. He said he didn't trust the job to anyone else because he knew I'd actually bring the phone back to him.

I felt a little guilty at that point, but the feeling faded when he smiled at me like the rakish rogue he was.

I got up and went back to my little room to pack up my things. I'd have to make a quick getaway. Then I asked one of the people who worked on the train when we'd be making it into the next town. 15 minutes. Perfect. I'd be able to grab the phone and get off the train before my (former) mark-turned-crush even missed me.

We were passing through a area of mountains in Colorado. I watched the trees speed by for a minute then moseyed on up to the front of the train, where the man with the phone was having a quiet dinner in the club car. I sat across from him and smiled as charmingly as possible. He was quite the handsome older gentleman and I recognized him immediately as one of the peole after the information in that phone.

I'd done my homework with the first (failed) job, so I was able to make some small talk after introducing myself as a friend of his daughter's. He was quite amiable at first, chatting as he sipped his soup. I glanced down and noted the phone was sticking out of his briefcase. The stupid phone was tiny and there'd be no way I could just reach down and grab it nonchalantly.

I excused myself to go and order some food and I thought about the best way to do it.

It would have to be a snatch and run.

I turned back to smile at the man, then I prepared myself.

I felt my stomach tighten and just the thought of the chase warmed up my muscles. I was ready.

I ran forward and grabbed the man's entire briefcase, running back towards my room as I stuck my hand inside the bag to get the phone. The man shouted behind me and I saw men up ahead of me, all dressed in black (general bodyguard gear), waiting. I tossed the briefcase and slipped the phone into my bra, then I dove under and between the big bodyguard's legs.

It took a moment for them to switch gears and by that time, I'd gotten to my room and grabbed my bag. I heard a general alert announced over the PA system and I knew my (former) mark-turned-crush would be waiting for me.

Oh well. Secrecy has never been my strong point on jobs.

I climbed out my window, bending back down to shut it once I was out, and up to the top of the train. I'd never ridden the top of a train before, but I'd seen it done in movies.

It was really, really windy.

I raced against the wind (so it was more like walking in a hurricane) to the front of the train and I got there just as I saw the train station appearing up ahead.

I took a chance.

As the train started to slow down, I aimed for a tree branch that leaned over the tracks and I jumped just as I heard the brakes squealing to stop the train. An alarm sounded out from the station and I climbed down the tree as fast as I could, racing along the forest floor away from the train.

The next thing I heard was a loud crash.

I watched the news later, from a non-descript hotel room somewhere in Colorado.

Apparently, a young man and an older gentleman got into quite the fist fight and when the alarm was sounded from the trainstation, a shipment of cattle on the train stampeded, which is difficult to do in a train car. The cows knocked their car right off the tracks, causing the rest of the train to jump and land on its side by the train station.

After that, I learned my lesson. I'd never take a job that involved a good-looking guy again.

But I did finally get my payment for the phone.






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